September 2022: Flag in the Sand

A year and a half ago I revived this blog for the first time with an honest piece of where my soul was at. I dubbed it, “my flag in the sand” moment. Given the transitions in life the last month I figured it’s time to take stock once again.

Up until a month ago I had worked at my college alma mater for five years and finally made the difficult decision to leave. It was a decision I knew needed to happen, yet also knew it would be a bit heart wrenching. So much of my life, purpose, passions and friends were tied up in that job. Some of the people closest to me might have argued, too tied up.

Applying for jobs I had my eyes set on everything, Nashville, remote work, Santa Barbara, creative industry, tech industry, etc. A 9+ hour interview process with Amazon (and subsequent rejection that I didn’t have enough (ahemmm ANY) tech industry experience pushed me to know that the tech industry was exactly what I wanted to dive into.

I finally found an amazing fit with an amazing local tech company. I fell in love with the team and culture and knew that it was the perfect fit for my life - a bit of room to breathe (catch me at the local coffee shop now because #remotework), to rest my body (hello hernia surgery this summer from working too many events last spring) and to get my feet on the ground in an entirely new industry (hello tech!).

It’s been a month and I feel my entire being coming back to life. To say my last position was demanding would be an understatement looking back, it was all consuming at times and it took a huge toll on my mental and physical health. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVED everything about it, but it was-dare I say- a pretty grown up decision to choose my body and health over my passion.

However, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to discover a me that I haven't embodied in a while. I have more energy, I’m able to go hang out with friends on weeknights, and not be so exhausted to do fun new adventures on the weekend. It’s been good and it’s also been challenging to give passion and purpose a little slack, two little words that have always had a front row seat in my professional life.

However, I am discovering my passions and purposes in new ways. I still get to do events and weddings on the weekends for my friend who owns an event company and I enjoy them so much more after having a work week that’s a bit less demanding. I still get to help people. That’s a big one for me. I’ve been able to realize that a lot of passion for events lies within the hospitality displayed and I get to do that for my new team everyday (and still plan some events for them too!).

Some days I still feel a bit lost. I think I came to depend on being needed so much at my old job, that when I stepped into a well resourced role that was met with a more “normal dependency” it’s given me room to think, live, exist more in life. All good things until my mind starts spinning and I wonder what the heck I’m doing with my life (hello late 20’s!).

I think my official flag in the sand is that I know I’m heading into a season that may be more challenging for me and not because of the actual physical work, but the inward work that needs some catching up and developing when I actually have time to look at myself and take stock of who I am, where I am, who I’d like to become and where I’d like to go. I hope I find some solidarity with the person on the other side of this screen when I say it can be scary to sit with myself for too long, but I know it’s necessary.

Today I’m sitting at Starbucks, I’m happily worn out from working a wedding this weekend and finding some time to jot down these thoughts in between morning meetings and emails and I’m also just a little freaked out about everything still. Life was the same for so long and in the few months everything has changed. It’s scary, it’s exhilarating and I find a lot of assurance in the cheesy fall chalkboard Starbucks has hung up right across the room from me. It reads, “Things are falling into place”. Falling is defined as a “rapidly and without control” movement and boy I feel that in a little too real of a way this morning. But as life is falling into place I’m holding onto this, “I am in control of nothing and God’s timing is always perfect”.

So now that I’ve jumped around to 20 different themes this morning, I am going to end this and just say, happy fall y’all, I hope things are falling into place for you, and as they do, try to enjoy the fear and exhilaration, it’s a reminder we’re still here and breathing and that is enough to know we’re all going to be just fine.